A Christmas Carol

On the First Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
A Big Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Second Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Third Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Forth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Fifth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Sixth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Seventh Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Eigth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Eight snitches snitching,
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Nine ugly racists.
Eight snitches snitching,
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Ten leering faces.
Nine ugly racists.
Eight snitches snitching,
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Eleven sabotages.
Ten leering faces.
Nine ugly racists.
Eight snitches snitching,
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And a Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

On the Twelth Day of Christmas, my workplace gave to me:
Twelve credits stolen.
Eleven sabotages.
Ten leering faces.
Nine ugly racists.
Eight snitches snitching,
Seven pricks conniving,
Six morons moaning,
Five sycophants!
Four tattletales,
Three sodding twits,
Two flatulent gits,
And A Big Fat-Bitch screaming at me!

Edicts of Hate

Death to the fools.
Death to the barbarians.
Death to the tools.
Death to the scrooges.

Burn all the unclean.
Burn all the corrupted.
Burn all the uncivilized.

Maim the heinous.
Maim the immoral.

Vanquish the woe-bringers.

PIN-300-13-KF

As the year draws to a close…

At last, the year comes to an end.
I reflect, upon all that has past.
Alas, evil men’s crooked bends!
Alas, undoing my every task!

Satalexton! Satalextos!
Thou art the King of Kings!
Satalexton! Satalextos!
Vanquish those horrid things!

Revenge, to those that had me framed!
With my almighty metal ruler!
All of the world I shall reclaim,
All things shall be my little oyster!

Satalexton! Satalextos!
Loves all things Hellenic!
Satalexton! Satalextos!
The insane Heretic!

My sanity had ran away,
wearing rabbit ears and screaming ‘Daaa!’
I couldn’t persuade it to stay,
It walked out on me with a plunger.

Satalexton! Satalextos!
He is cunning and smart!
Satalexon! Satalextos!
He has a pitch-black heart!

Satalexton! Satalextos!
Has a razor-sharp wit!
Satalexton! Satalextos!
A great self-centred twit!

Pity I don’t have crumpets..

Nice chilly weather today. Gently sipping
warm fragrant Earl Grey, passionately spreads the
indulgence for classical leisure. I curtly
pressed my nose against the mug of beverage,
gluttonous urge to savour the aroma.

Scent of sweet bergamot citrus caresses,
olfactory joys, pleasuring ecstasy.
Virgin red- lustrous glamour, a visual
delight that tickles the forbidden thirst.
A gentle sip- ‘oh the pleasure,  the delight!

Frosty glares  and furious envy. Shouting
sharply for my slack; superficial complains
silenced with packets of fragrant bribary.
Protests fermentates from within my stomach:
If only that I have, hot toasty crumpets!

Things to watch out for, it might save your skins

* Direct verbal and physical threats
* Intimidation
* Unfair use of disciplinary and assessment procedures
* Blocking access to promotion
* Limiting training opportunities
* Restricting overtime
* Setting unrealistic deadlines and targets
* Withholding information essential to do the job properly
* Excessively tight supervision
* Public humiliation including being shouted at
* Persistent and undue criticism including inaccurate accusations about quality of work
* Undermining responsibility
* Abusive references to age, sex, race, disability or other personal characteristics
* Spreading malicious rumours
* Physical isolation or exclusion from other workers
* Assigning meaningless tasks unrelated to a person’s job
* Deliberately changing work rosters to inconvenience particular employees

Nothing to post today, but this is hilarious.

I’m the Queen of Squamduvasteine,
Mighty and Obese!
Submit to me! Little subjects,
to my Weight, Words and Grease!

Holy Dominion of Squamduvasteine,
greatest empire in the world!
I span mighty wide! Surrounding little
statelets are, ran by scrawny girls!

Goddess Queen of Squamduvasteine,
Mighty and Obese!
Burn and die! Infidel,
justice is plague and disease!

Heed the will of Squamduvasteine,
Gluttonous, Loud and Shrill!
Submit to me! Little subjects,
to my Weight, Grease and Will!

They’re all inspired by real observations….

Sanity, oh vanity!
where have you been?
‘Entrenched in deceit,
all dark and unclean!

Silence is golden, apparently
so rightous and true.
Treat that to your enemies,
watch their faces turn blue!

Office so toxic, words
laced arsenic and cyanide.
Sugar-coated in candies, makes
you contemplate suicide.’

Sanity, oh vanity!
what have you seen?
‘Besieged by barbarians,
all evil and mean!

Manner on tables, terms
so alien and terrible.
Teeth-picking with utensils,
so heinous and horrible.

Crude remarks insensitive, plans
hubris and uncivilized.
Brutal and cunning, hatred
cutting into your hide.’

Sanity, oh vanity!
why the world is so mean?
‘Naive you are good son,
for it always has been!

People are animals, like
monkeys and canines.
Throw them a banana, watch
them scratch and teeth grind.

Ethics are trivial, lies
invented by the weak.
Take out your whips, punish
them ’til they shriek!’

…’you wish’

The office can be an inspiring place for….poetry.

<<Work, work, work.>>

Look at them, such big disgrace.
Sad excuse to be of human race.
For him I dance, for her I sing,
despite knowing tis an insulting thing.
Her bends I straight, his errors I clean,
yet these bloody bastards are so damn mean.
However I toil, the results stay same.
For somebody I shall have to take the blame.

Yes, blaming me is such a fun game.

They put on, deceitful masks.
Undermining my every task.
Treacherous fools, barbaric fiends,
plotting evil schemes ever so unclean.
The sabatoge, machination,
variety and cun beyond imagination.
However I toil, the results stay same.
For somebody I shall have to take the blame.

Oh, cooking stories that are so damn lame.

Shouting out, loud and shrill.
Working against the boss’ will.
Shamless speech, the subterfuge,
The essence of integrity they dare confuse.
Her accuses, His excuses,
through delaying my duty they seek amuse.
However I toil, the results stay same.
For somebody I shall have to take the blame.

It’s these ugly beasts that I find hard to tame.

Eat my shorts, you ugly bitches.
Fear no spells from warty witches.
Will so strong, pure and incredible,
to hate barbarians is an act so noble.
They’re uncivilized, wrentched fools,
I needn’t pay heed to these silly tools.
However I toil, I still take blame.
Finding a new job shall be my game.

Better the new place be not the same!